Dear Dad,

It seems that when the storm has just passed and i'm all worn out you know when to call and cheer me up. It's like you read my blogs, see between the lines of all of them, and figure out all my deepest darkest secrets. but i know you don't read them, you're just my father, and you just know!! you know exactly what to say and when to say it. i guess that's why i always sound so upset with you on the phone. i'm trying to choke back tears that wanna come out so badly. but i can't let you hear me hurt. that's the worst for you. if you could you would take away all my pain, sadness, fears, and my stupid reasons to be upset and place them on your back. and that's what amazes me. it's like when i feel no one else is there and no one else cares, even my closest friends, i'm fine because you care. i know for a fact that you and God will always be there for me. Right now i'm not even close to figuring out what's wrong with me. Even though i keep saying that i need to get over myself, and try to stay positive and take a step forward, somehow i always fuck things up and take two steps back. It's strange how i can be everyone elses lifeboat and stay positive for everyone else while they are out over analizing stupid shit, but i'm letting myself drown in my own life. i feel like one of those people in the movies just sitting still while the whole world is passing by so fast. it's scary and i don't know how to make it stop. . I need to quit complaining because when i look at the bigger picture, i have so much to be grateful for. But sometimes i need a slap in the face to wake me the fuck and realize that. i guess my train will never stop until i want it too, because when i really think about it i'm being really pathetic and lazy.