There's a class for this....

i feel like since (chris) i'm not the same. he broke me and left me to pick up all the pieces. i just wanna be the old bianca again. i mean i know for a fact i'm over him. seriously like he is not what i want or did want in a relationship or a boyfriend in general. i've realized that. i just can't remember what i was like before him. i'm trying to focus on what i'm wanting in my life and what i don't. it's my first goal. finding myself. making plan b's are not an option anymore. i need to stop setting my self up for failure, and actually give myself chances and others chances to prove themselves. it's understandable why i haven't in the past. i know what's it's like lose something. but who doesn't. i guess it's just what you learn from it. i was always trying to protect myself, but in the bigger picture i was actually losing myself. i became a crab, and was my own worst critic. i don't want that for myself anymore. i mean c'mon i'm only 19. there is so much more then that....
i've become what my mother wouldn't want in a son. and i have done a few things i regret. but practice makes perfect, practice makes perfect sense to me.♥

grammatically speaking you're adorable and from what i hear you're quite affordable. but i like them pricey. so exaggerate and trick me. pretty please, just trick me. pretty please.
my bf, who knows me better then i know myself, told me that i give up so fast; that it takes more then one try. my emotions went from amazement to sadness to anger to confusion to happiness. at first i was kinda like wow. i can't believe she actually said that! lol usually i'm the brutally honest one. but then i realized that she was right so i got a little upset because it was all my fault. then it turned to anger because i was like wtf how could i just give up so fast?! i started developing regrets. i hate having regrets. then i thought it can't just be 100% my fault! i'm not the one to blame in all of my past! then i was confused about everything..my thoughts were disorganized..and i began arguing with myself again! sounds a bit creepy, but i do that a lot. sorry. after all the bantering back and forth settled down i was like oh my goshh whoooo cares. then i started laughing and my mind became lighthearted again. haha.yahhh. i'm weird. i'll admit.
soo..when it comes to liking this new guy. it's like i'm using reverse psychology on my self. i'll sit there and joke about it like it's nothing. but in reality i care sooo much. almost to much. it's like when i want things to work out so bad it eventually ends up becoming absolute nothing. but i can't sit here and blame no body else. everything in my life that never worked out had been my fault. not just in relationships, but in everything. i have no problem admitting that to myself now, because it's true. and i'm trying to be as completely honest with my self as much as possible from hear on out.
idk i guess i've just finally learned what i want in a relationship and what i don't. and that in itself makes me happy. :) if this is confusing...ummm..sorry.
i'll turn on a dime, and spin you around. so you can shine, shine right now. we'll even have a crowd. we'll make this purchase count.