Sometimes I give myself the creeps, sometimes my mind plays tricks on me.

sup fool!
it's about 1 in the morn and my dad and i are sitting here watching tom and jerry episodes on dvd. we're obsessed lol we got the book of eli and some mel gibson movie that ended up actually being really good but kind of long. i wanna cut my hair like the daughter in this movie. anyways it's been about a couple weeks since we first moved in and i'm really happy, although it's almost shark week so i've been feeling super tired and fat and completely fucking useless. dad bought me some water pills so i'm hoping this bloat mess goes away soon. we get are brand spankin new fridge tomorrow and i'm actually super excited considering there hasn't been any real food in the house since we've moved in. dad also got the day off tomorrow so we're marking tomorrow job hunting. i guess he wants to get a new job where he doesn't have to manage anymore, he's tired, and i don't blame him. but he's a cancer and he's always back and forth with things sometimes so we'll see. i applied for target and qfc today so i felt somewhat accomplished. i'm also turning in an application to tj maxx tomorrow. so cross my fingers and pray i get a god damn interview because i need a fuggginnn jobb man!!! tomorrow sweet lou is having a party at his cousins house, just like old times. i really wanna go but we'll see how my mood is tomorrow, i better go because they had to put chevy down today and i know he's super upset and needs a pal. miss you chev <3 chris has been texting but i haven't text back. my mind has been back and forth with this whole mess, and i'm just lisening to my head at the moment. my heart as a tendency to get me into trouble.
i've been watching a lot of movies and weeds episodes since i've moved in considering we don't have cable and acting has been on my mind so much lately. i've just keep realizing that this is what i WANT to do. and nothing is gunna stop me from getting there.
plan: 1 get job 2 goal weight 3 save money 4 go to acting school 5 audition for roles
i know this is gunna be a lot harder then it sounds but this is just the basics and i need to stay committed and focused if this is what i wanna do in life. fuck boys, fuck partying, STAY FOCUSED FOR NOW. I can't give up on this. I mean it's already fucking june and i haven't done anything toward accomplishing my goals and i feel like such a massive failure right now. i need SOMETHING to lift me back up and help me realize that i'm useful. i need purpose. i need passion. i need a savior.

p.s. i had a dream last night that i got a role in weeds and got to hang out with hunter outside of filming. all my friends from california came up and we all went out to a bar and partied and they got to meet him, it was awesome! <3 i'm actually hoping this is some kind of premonition because i've been dying to be on that show, even just for a couple episodes like marykate.