I just want one more chance to put my arms in fragile hands.

An update on what's been going on lately:

I went fishing on Mother's day with my poppa, Brian, and Tania. Honestly I had a blast, we woke up at 4:30am and didn't come home till 12am, we were practically there all day. Took some videos and pictures, we caught so many fish. :-) I'm really excited to go again and get into fly fishing, I think my dad's really proud of me, haha, I swear he eats, sleeps, and breaths fishing. It's kinda cool though that my dad has a passion and a hobby. He's been fishing since before I was born. I love him.
Chris's graduation from college was on the 14th, we were all really proud of him. He's the first in the family to graduate and it was really awesome to see since it's like family history haha. We'll see who's next. It really got me thinking about going back to school for sure. I really want to get back into business classes, maybe take one or two and then take a random class like ballet or art, or drama, photography; just random shit that interests me :-) I really need to find a passion for something or just need to find something to do because I swear I eat and sleep all day or I'm on the computer mostly. I'm lame. But I'm really excited though, I just need to find a job cos I wanna go back but be able to pay for my own shit since my dad will be paying for the house. I've been applying to places but I haven't gotten any call backs at all. So hard these days..uggghhh.
Speaking of the house we may be able to move in today!! I'm just waiting for Rachel to call me to meet up with her for the keys. I'm really hoping it's today because I need my own place incredibly bad. I've prayed and been patient and impatient for long enough I think. Either way though, this is such a blessing from God :-) I feel like when I move out of Danny's, everything will start heading in the right direction. As of right now, I just feel entirely too stuck..I'm praying I lose the weight I need for summer, find a job to help out my dad with expenses, go back to school for sure, decorate and renovate my new home, tell Chris how I've always felt, go back to Church, you know just time to start accomplishing more shit, and just living my life. I've wasted the past six months of my life. It's a damn shame, I'll admit. I'm trying not to regret it though, it's hard. I guess all I can do is dust myself off and try again. I'm just hoping I move today though, because I really don't know how much longer I can take living here. I mean I love Danny and her family more then anything. They have honestly done sooo fucking much for my dad and I, probably more then we could ever repay and I will always have a place for this family deep down inside my heart. It's just as of right now, I feel like Danny and I just need a dramatic break from each other. I know she loves me, and I know we will always remain scaryingly good friends, but we would never be able to live together again I believe, haha. We're soo different but similar in a lot of ways, that it just doesn't really work. I don't know, our relationship just has gone out of sorts since I've moved in. I'm sure once we have that break from each other that it will get back to normal though.
Chris is back in my life again. I don't know how long I've waited for this and there had been a while there where I was completely over him and our past. But it seems for the past couple months that I had been thinking about him soo fucking much and I just didn't know why, then he comes back into my life out of no where..it was just incredibly random. We've hung out twice since he's been back into my life and I'm hoping that we can hang out more. I really do miss him. I don't want him to leave for the army. I just don't know what God has planned for us, I don't know what it is. I'm not trying to ask questions, but I don't know what the reason was to bring us back into each other's life again, just for him to leave again for 5 years. All I know is that I thank God for the time we do share together and I'm gunna pray for him everyday, hoping he makes it back home safe. I don't know where this will go, but I guess we'll see.

Wow. Tony's song just came on. I might ball my fucking eyes out now. I love and miss you Tony. It still hurts that you're gone. I might end up thinking of you for quite a while now. xx

Now off to put my clothes in the dryer and clean and start packing, so I'm READY! Maybe I'll take a shower to cos I feel like I smell like raunch, even though I just took a shower yesterday...awesome.

xoxo