I was floating above my bed;

Like a body in a river in a car. And the only sound in my head was a dying cricket in a jar. Then I saw little beams of light come into the bedroom from underneath the door. They crawled under my sheets and they came out of every. single. pore.

I've come to realize that I'm most unsatisfied with my life and inspired to the fullest past 3 a.m. I'm a hardcore insomniac. I have so many plans and bright ideas about my future during this time. I literally feel like I've snorted line upon line and I'm just like 'OK, LET'S DO THIS!' But by the time I pass out around 6 a.m. and wake up past noon I'm ready to kill a poor innocent animal. I'm lazy. lazy. lazy.. Until 3 a.m comes around again of course. I plan for the week but never follow through. By the weekend I never fail to get drunk and party with people I barely give a shit about, and vise versa. Doing nothing during the week and partying on the weekends isn't gunna get me to where I wanna go in the future. This has been my life for quite a while and I'm sooo fucking over it to say the least. I'm tired of ignorant ass people and their childish behavior. I'm just tired of drama. I'm tired of the circumstances I've been in for the past 2 or so years...I feel like such a damn floater..and a damn loser. I just don't feel like I can fully expand my wings that have been clipped back, living in Washington...Living here.

I miss my dad a lot. Every time I see him, it's like he seems to be getting tired and tired and that saddens me. I know there is so much pressure on him to be everything he can to everyone. I wish I could spend more time with him.

I have a lot of ideas in my head but I haven't given the time to jot them down. Mostly stories..

I'm tired. I want an Oreo cookie milkshake and lots and lots of carbs. I want a job so I can help out my dad, I want to weigh 105 lbs. I wish it was Halloween all year round, I don't know if it's because a) i like candy b) I'm listening to dead man's bones c) nostalgia. or d) all of the above. Um, D. I have surgery on the 2 Feb and I'm paranoid :/ Time to relax and watch TV.

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