January 29, 2011

its like ive been in a 21 year coma and im constantly wondering when im gonna wake up and if ill notice im finally alive.

January 29, 2011

Wake the fuck up. Make quick decisions and stick to your guns. Quit being a little bitch and grow a pair. Destroy everything and give birth to something new. Love the ones who care and mother fuck the ones who never did. Cut your losses, burn them bridges and move the fuck on. Ignite the flames. Find paradise and burn that bitch down, eyes glowing. Dream completely awake to the world. Stand your ground when you're right and back down and own up to the times when you're wrong. Trust God, understand that He knows your heart and believe that He will lead you where you need to be. Be free, feel free, run wild, breath, slow down, you're alive. Act like it, then show proof. Take your chances before someone else does. You won't get em back again. Love freely and openly. Weird it up and speak your mind. Splatter your heart and soul into everything you feel is worth the time and effort. Live. Push past the comfort, take every chance, drop every fear, swim in the sweat and tears, find your ambition, and seduce your passions because life is rocky but make the most of every moment you get because you don't get another chance. No regrets mama. <3 Your inner self

Give a fuck about your lifestyle, give a fuck about a mother fuckin lifestyle.

Yeah, I am gettin sick and tired of this drama bullshit. It's like get the fuck over the past and live with how it's gunna be for now on. I will not put my pride down for this fuckin bullshit. What about 'I can't stand to be in the same room as him' are you not understanding?! I can't stand to see him, hear him, be near him. Let it settle and that be it because I am not changing my mind or ways for that fake ass bitch. I will not continue to keep repeating my self. I'm just about done hanging around all of you. It's seriously getting old. If this is how it's always gunna be then fuck it and whatever. I seriously can't wait to get the fuck out of this bullshit town. I'm so ready to move and get away from all you fake ass mother fuckers. I'm tired of your bullshit that you keep bringing up. From now on I'm just gunna continue to do whatever it is I need to get done. I'm done with trying to maintain friends with all of you..Fuck what you all talk about. Your opinions and judgements don't count to me anymore. I'm done giving a shit. I'm tired of your negative shit and your attitudes towards me. If you're gunna hate me, then hate me. I'm just ready to move to California and forget all of you and when I'm happy and successful and having a good time I'm gunna remember you and laugh at all you stupid ass mother fuckers. :)

Old MacDonald had a farm...

Wintler Walks.

I was floating above my bed;

Like a body in a river in a car. And the only sound in my head was a dying cricket in a jar. Then I saw little beams of light come into the bedroom from underneath the door. They crawled under my sheets and they came out of every. single. pore.

I've come to realize that I'm most unsatisfied with my life and inspired to the fullest past 3 a.m. I'm a hardcore insomniac. I have so many plans and bright ideas about my future during this time. I literally feel like I've snorted line upon line and I'm just like 'OK, LET'S DO THIS!' But by the time I pass out around 6 a.m. and wake up past noon I'm ready to kill a poor innocent animal. I'm lazy. lazy. lazy.. Until 3 a.m comes around again of course. I plan for the week but never follow through. By the weekend I never fail to get drunk and party with people I barely give a shit about, and vise versa. Doing nothing during the week and partying on the weekends isn't gunna get me to where I wanna go in the future. This has been my life for quite a while and I'm sooo fucking over it to say the least. I'm tired of ignorant ass people and their childish behavior. I'm just tired of drama. I'm tired of the circumstances I've been in for the past 2 or so years...I feel like such a damn floater..and a damn loser. I just don't feel like I can fully expand my wings that have been clipped back, living in Washington...Living here.

I miss my dad a lot. Every time I see him, it's like he seems to be getting tired and tired and that saddens me. I know there is so much pressure on him to be everything he can to everyone. I wish I could spend more time with him.

I have a lot of ideas in my head but I haven't given the time to jot them down. Mostly stories..

I'm tired. I want an Oreo cookie milkshake and lots and lots of carbs. I want a job so I can help out my dad, I want to weigh 105 lbs. I wish it was Halloween all year round, I don't know if it's because a) i like candy b) I'm listening to dead man's bones c) nostalgia. or d) all of the above. Um, D. I have surgery on the 2 Feb and I'm paranoid :/ Time to relax and watch TV.

xxxxxxxxxxx

Day & Night

Now floating up and down.

I spin, colliding into sound like whales beneath me diving down. I'm sinking to the bottom of my everything that freaks me out. The lighthouse beam has just run out. I'm cold as cold as cold can be. Be.

I want to swim away but don't know how. Sometimes it feels just like I'm falling in the ocean. Let the waves take me down. Let the hurricane set in motion, yeah. Let the rain of what I feel right now come down. Let the rain come down.

Really disappointed. I haven't been this upset about something in a very long time, it just seriously makes me sick to my stomach. I will never forget this night. I feel like I'm gunna look back on my life and say that this was the exact night where my whole mindset changed. Words don't mean shit to me anymore, even mine now. I have nothing to say or to prove to anyone anymore. Your sorrys dont mean shit to me but keep talking cos I think it's funny. Actions, now that's what counts for me now. And I won't stop. I'm not gunna give up. This night has given me the strength to get my life in check. I don't ever want to be embarrassed like that ever again. I don't ever want to have to run up to a crying girl, while her baby brother is lying on the floor because everyone thinks he got shot. And to think that I was with the morons carrying the gun. I have never been more affected in my life. I have never in my life seen such filth. Scum. People I hung around with, got drunk with, had each other's backs, got on emotional levels with, made memories with are the ones always starting drama, fighting other people for no reason, disrespecting complete strangers, acting like children..these are the people I never want to associate myself with anymore. I can't even stand to be in the same room as them anymore. The disgusting things I saw tonight, I just never would have thought they would be the ones doing it. It was sick to look at. You don't terrorize people for no reason. You don't go up to innocent people and pull out a gun, telling them to drop there alcohol and jack their shit. You don't pistol whip someone in the face, knocking them out and leaving his older sister hysterical. You just don't do that. I don't care if you're "blood". You're not so shut the fuck up with it. You're a fucking dipshit and you make me sick. I will never have your backs, ever again.

p.s. can't trust no one in this shit town.

Stone Age Queen.

Werewolf hearts.

Daddy :)

Goth princesses.

Lucia Falls!