my heart keeps beating like a hammer

drink, drink, drink.
drugs, drugs, drugs.
no. no. no.
pour pills down the sink.
dead. dead. dead.
monsters in my head
and underneath the bed.
i never wanna die,
but i don't wanna live.
a life not lived?
guess i'm already dead.
and no one's ever home
i feel so alone
like no ones really on my side
so i cry every night.
i don't know why.
last i heard, crying
was a sign you're alive.
Please help, i'm alive.