i feel like i'm a different person now. i can't say i won't do it again because that would be a lie. and i can't say that i won't feel bad for doing it because i don't, i love the way it makes me feel although it is kind of scary to admit how much i like it. i could feel it kicking in when i was driving and ryan was laughing about something because justin kept putting his blinker on and so i kept putting my blinker on. i had no idea where i was but i did at the same time. and i thought to myself i can either take this negatively and let my first time ruin my second time, or i can let this be a positive experience and just let go. so i did just that. i turned the music up louder and started dancing a little and laughing and singing and talking to ryan and i felt my anxiety trickle out of me. as soon as we got to the house i needed water so i filled my water and apologized cos i was spilling everywhere. then we all headed into the garage to play beer pong and then everything just seemed amazing. it happened so fast. all of a sudden it was like i was the purest form and there were a million colors bursting out of me in every direction. i was like this magical rainbow and everything was just so beautiful and distracting i couldn't stop touching everything and i couldn't stop swaying back and forth and i couldn't stop smiling, everyone knew i was happy and feeling well and alive. i made my own world and they loved me because of it and i loved them for loving me because of it. i felt the vibes and energy from the universe and when things got negative i just wanted to hug and kiss them and make it all better. and i wanted everyone to feel how i was feeling, it just wasn't fair. i felt like a child again, i felt like nothing could upset me, and i felt like even if someone tried their hardest to make me angry, that i just couldn't be mad. i just wanted to be happy. and i was.