And I will die alone, and be left there. Well I guess I'll just go home or God knows where.

I had a feeling that I needed to let something go, so I drove and I drove on roads I've never been on, and they were dark and windy and relentless. I'll admit I was a little intimidated, my back felt tight and I couldn't relax. There was no peace in my mind. I was trying to find something to run to, anything to help me feel more at ease. I just feel like it's all building up. I'm trying to figure out what's wrong, like I knew something needed to come out, like tears or something, but I didn't know what I needed to cry for. And it's just weird to be confused about emotions because I'm usually pretty spot on with what's going on. Like I tried crying about Chris and that wasn't it. I think I just am tired of feeling trapped. I think that's really it because the more I drove the more I wanted to leave and not come back, and I just wanted to be alone, and so I cried because I felt this pull that I didn't like. And I cried because I was finally alone, and I cried because the moon was chasing after me, and I saw a little white bunny and 4 deer and I cried because of that; because they were free and beautiful, and they served god and lived off of the land and their own instincts. I am just starting to get very impatient, I wanna see results before the act. I just finally know what I want in life, I know like I know the sun rises every morning. It just all hit me tonight. This is what I want so bad.
I'm now so exhausted so I'm going to try and get some rest. I have a flex tomorrow, we'll see. If not Birdie and I are going to Portland..good night.
xx