Failed attempts at living simple lives, simple lives are what keep me coming back to you.

It's 4th of July! WOO! It's extremely nice outside and I can't wait for tonight :) Dad got Perla some benadryl which I'll be giving to her pretty soon once the fireworks start going off. So I'm sitting here drinking some emergen-c and eating strawberries and I can feel a headache coming on...Drugs...soon.

I started listening to Rise Against again because for some reason I was singing them in my head earlier. I didn't realize that the lead singer was Mchottie. Hm. And looks a lot like Darren..Awkward. But I'm sitting here listening to them and I forgot how amazing there songs were. Like it's bringing back sooo many fucking memories, it's almost making me wanna cry. Oh what a 16 year old anarchist wild i-don't-give-a-FUCK child that I was. I really miss her. I honestly don't know what happened to that girl and it's making me a little teary eyed. I mean Life was my purpose and now I have no idea what my purpose is anymore. It reminds me of High School, when it was starting to get good. It reminds me of when I was changing into my own, when I was becoming a little punk. It reminds me of Fall, cold weather, cigarettes, gloves, layers of jackets, beanies, walking to carl's jr and albertson with tony and justin. It reminds me of the times I would blast them in my dad's black chevy truck. It reminds me of the zoo. It reminds me a lot of Jeremy and Chris too. When Jeremy said they were gay and then chris ended up liking them. Fag. Chris. I'm gunna admit, I'm over him and yada yada, but I'm choosing to miss him. It's like I really don't give a fuck anymore. I miss the him he used to be, and if he made me happy then, he'll do for now. I need to get back to the girl I was before. Invincible. And if it takes Chris being by my side for that to happen, then so fuckin be it. Whatevs!!!
xx