"Blessed with a burden."

I watched Freedom Writers today. It's been a while since I've seen it but I remember it being good. I didn't expect it to teach me a lesson though. Anyone can make anything happen if they put their mind and effort to do it. Lately, I've been really stressed to go back to school because we're in a transition with money right now. And I keep thinking to myself that I need to get a job to help pay for college. I kept thinking how this movie was inspired by a true story and these kids were brought up worse than myself. I thought if they could do it, then so can I. Why not? The Lord gives us obstacles, and I'm set to overcome mine. "When I say I'm gunna do something, I do it, I don't give a damn what you think." It may take me some time, but we all learn differently and experience differently. I've been thinking about how when I run away from life, I also tend to run away from people that mean the most. But right now, I feel like it's the best way for me to get shit done. No distractions needed. Harsh? Yes. Real? Yes. I've been listening to a lot of new music that I just feel has been encouraging me to really do me. And this is me. No more bullshit, I'm done waiting for the moments that matter. I'm making every moment of my one life matter. That's all I can do anymore. I've been setting goals (dreams, if you will) for myself and I intend to make them happen for me. I'm done settling for this routine of a life, and I won't apologize for chasing my own reality. I won't apologize for waking the fuck up.
I've been spending so much more time with my family and certain people I've been neglecting for a while. I'm getting closer to my father, and I'm finding that communicating with him is becoming easier every day. It's been good.
And for that certain person - You inspired me today. I've been wallowing around in some negativity lately and I'm starting to gain my positivity back :) It feels nice for once. You keep pushing me to be better and to be tougher (yet soft) and to push harder for what I want in life. I'm thanking you now, cos I might forget later.
Elisha & Josh - I think about you and pray for you both always. I'm striving to make you both proud. I hope that wherever you are, that you're safe. I love/miss you both so much.
Tony - I'm sorry.
xx