Promise me that you'll give faith a fighting chance.

Well I basically broke down to Danny last night. My dad and I had a talk about our living situation and I just felt like everything that I had dreamed about for my own future had vanished in seconds. I kept thinking to myself, who am I kidding? I mean I need to stay and help out my family. I can't go out and chase my dreams. I mean it may sound ridiculous but those were my true thoughts and feelings. I mean it's kinda scary when those thoughts come from me, because I kinda think of my self as a really positive person. I'm usually the one people come to when they need advise or a pick me up. And for me to think those foolish things, well it's just really out of the question. I've always been the one to grab life by the fucking balls and squeeze really hard, and when life didn't budge, I'd kick. When I want something really bad, I go for it. No questions asked. So what's the deal now then right? Idk, I guess I'm just not trying to feel selfish. Feeling selfish is pretty much the worst feeling ever. But that's kinda where I'm standing with my life right now. And that's just it too, I'm standing. There is no forward motion for me right now. I just don't know which direction I wanna take my first step toward. I'm just kinda...confused. Not LOST, just confused.

But I'm going to the beach with friends in a few hours, so hopefully I have the weekend to get away and just kinda refresh. Hopefully by Monday I have a sense of where I wanna lead my life. And if I don't, that's ok too.